Everything They Don’t Teach You in School

Now this is what I want to learn! I want to be a fierce warrior. I want to take down “the Man” and assert myself, call my own shots! I wan tto learn to attack. i want to strike fear into entire city blocks, make others change their plans when I walk their way, make people offer me their food and shower me with tributes, crunchy, tasty, preferably bacon flavored tributes.

They don’t teach you why we are supposed to chase cats. how to get the lid up on the toilet when you are thirsty, how to turn on the TV when everybody is out, and all the important stuff that I really want to know.

They also don’t teach you how to get out of a collar or …harness. I had to do that on my own. yup, I broke the darn thing. It too a few sudden running starts. I mean really, really hard launches, one of which pulled my daddy into the side of the shed, the second almost dislocated his shoulder….but it also broke the harness and gave me my freedom! Of course I then ran promptly home to the door, its scary out their not tethered to my daddy.

ok, Ok, I guess I’ll never make Seal Team Six. Truth be told, the picture with my dad is us just playing and acting a bit. Maybe I can be a “stunt dog” or get on a TV commercial?
…or just get some crunchy, tasty, bacony flavored treats?


Life Lesson: Some stuff you just have to learn on your own!

Can you teach an old human new tricks?

Ok, so I am in school and supposed to be learning all sorts of useless stuff…… sit, stay, how to walk nice, leave it, drop it, not to jump, and leash walking, sigh. Why can’t I just be a dog? Why can’t I just be who I am? Me? Why don’t they just get one of those Japanese robot dogs?  What are they trying to do, create the “Stepford Dogs”? I am an artist! I am someone! I am unique and worthwhile!  I bark, therefore I am! I drool, therefore I am!

…And all the while that old guy, (my Dad) forgets to do things right when we practice all these “behaviors” I am supposed to be learning. If he can’t get my “mind control-behavior modification” right, How AM I?

I think that deep down he is just a wild dog himself. No, I mean really. I’ll bet that deep down he wants to run, bark, drool, eat whatever, lick himself, (…ok, too much info there maybe), and do wild dog stuff. I’ll bet he had dreams before they used all of this school stuff on him!

Life Lesson: I wonder if it is too late for this young dog to teach that old human new tricks?

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