HELP !!!!

HELP !!!!

I am being tortured! Water boarded, Chinese water torture…. I was tortured today! Someone call the cops. Call Congress. Call Amnesty International, the UN, the Dali Lama, the Anti – lama, call the ASPCA or Peta, CALL someone!

I didn’t do anything I swear, I know nothing, I am not a terrorist, I do not know anybody named Al Queda, I don’t even know anybody named Al !

Today all started so well. I had fun with my dad and we went for our walk. then he took me for a ride in the car……..and we went into town……..

Suddenly he pulls me into this place. the front was called ” Paws & Mittens” …a pet spa supposedly. However that was just a front. Once I got in their they had other prisioners in cages and were in the process of torturing other dogs. Some dogs were tethered to tables and were having warm air forced upon them while their hair was being brushed.

…….and my dad abandoned me……….

They dragged me into this water torture chamber and closed the door, but I was able to jump out. However they got me back in and tied my neck to the wall. then they proceeded to hose me doan and apply a chemical to me. the chemical got all sudsy and lathery and made me smell funny, nice or something like that, blech.

When they wered one with that they took me out and tied me to this rack on a table and tried to blow the air on me. I struggled and took a couple of them down and was able to break their “table of torture”.  it was at that point they made a phone call and my dad came and got me. He probably saved me 45 minutes of torture. He got me home. I was still wet, but I didn’t talk. I may have barked a bit but I didn’t let them break me.

(To the very nice women at Paws & Mittens, I am, sorry for the struggle, bumps and bruises, and the broken table.)

Life Lesson: If you are going to put up a fight, put up a good one!

ps. Due to the sensitive national security implications no photographs or recordings were allowed during this incident…which by the way, never happened.

3 Bone Day!

My dad must really love me. Even though he said I must belong to PITA, (thats “pain in the ***), …not Peta, (“People for the Ethical Treatment on Animals”). He likes to get a lot of things done when he is home on the weekend. today he wanted to work on the cabinets he is building for the new Orange Pediatric Care, P.C. office, and he wanted to work on the car, and he wanted to go out and get some wood at Home Depot, and he wanted to go to Michaels for some art supplies, and he wantd to go to Harbor Freight Tools because they are having a sale, and he wanted to go to Barnes & Nobles to see if they have any interesting new car magazines, and he wanted to go to “the Peoples Bicycle for a cable, oh, and he wanted to spend some time with my mom and also me. See what I mean…he likes to get things done.

So he thinks I am a P-I-T-A because while he is doing other stuff I keep bothering him to play with me.  So he decided early on today that he would try to deflect me and keep me busy with toys. As usual he went to the “Beacon Barkery” my favorite dog toy and food store and bought me not one, not two, but three bones to chew on for today. He bought me one that looks hard but is really made of something like compressed sweet potatoes or something wierd like that. He also got me a Tibetian Cheese Stick, which is something like Yak cheese compressed real hard so it is like a rock. AND he got me a real live, uh dead marrow bone.

Bone # 1- I went through that thing in lkike 10 minutes and it was on to pester my dad.  then

Bone # 2- I accidently dropped the cheese stick and it broke in half. My dad being the worrier that he is took it away because he thought I might try to eat the pieces whole and they would get stuck inside me.

Bone # 3- Ok, boy is that marrow bone good. It is work trying to get that marrow out of the middle, but that is half the adventure. That bone did keep me occupied for quite awhile so I guess that was a success for both of us.

Life Lesson: Be prepared with multiple options and if you can help yourself by helping others everyone wins.

Pesky Little Trouble Maker in Class

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So it is Tuesday night again and I am all excited. Class is actually fun, I meet my new friends, we learn a little, we play a lot, and we all have a good time.

But tonight I have this little Irish dog trying to start trouble. We all start out playing having a good time and not doing anything real serious, but as things progress he is really starting to bite my snout. I mean he is still acting like playing but his teeth are out and he ain’t afraid to show ’em. He is nipping at my nose, my eyes, my face, I am like Woa! what the……bark, bark. He even dares to bark back! Maybe it is because I am English and he is Irish? Maybe he is a member of that group “PITA”.

He seems to get along with the dog from Labrador and the little Shitzu just fine. Maybe it is an insecurity thing or maybe he figures if he can intimidate me he can rule the class.

The thing is I have to be real carefull. If I nip at him like he was nipping at me I will crush his head and everyone will be a bit upset. also he probably doesn’t taste that good anyway, ever eat Irish food?…Ok, that was a bit harsh, they make some good stuff like shepards pie and …uh, other stuff probably too.

Life Lesson: Don’t bite the mouth that is bigeer than your head!

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