Bear Hunting and Other Mastiff Activities

I slaughtered the bear, my friend Teddy, as the aligator looked on. I couldn’t help it. It is in my genes, my DNA, my pre programed reason for being, my purpose.  It is part of my family occupation, My dad did this and his dad before him. Even going way back my great great grand dad also was into bear hunts. My moms side also. We also specialized in lion hunting, and guarding forts. My ancestors even went to war. Entire brigades of us in armour running straight at the enemy.

It is not my fault it wasn’t our fault. The Romans trained us to do this. they must of had some vocational trade schools set up and us Mastiffs probably did well on the vocational testing at these sorts of things. I guess we excel at things like being the bouncer at a Roman fort or nowdays maybe if us dogs could get our own football league I can be a linebacker or maybe just an offensive or defensive lineman?

So I plead not guilty by reason of …………’’s what I am meant to do. A little voice in my head says, “Kill the Bear, kill it, kill it now.” I guess a PR firm like in Mad Men or maybe say a defense lawyer or a politician would put a positive spin on it and say, “I released the white flufy stuffing trapped inside the bear, so it could be free, and so the bear was no longer encumbered by the weight of his insides.”


I know it looks like carnage and probably like an earlier picture of one of his family…….

I am thinking this may start to look bad for me, “Do I need a lawyer?”

Life Lesson: You are who you are, be proud and unapologetic, be happy, (unless you are a teddy bear living with a mastiff….then RUN!)

Mr. Deer and Mr. Rabbit

Mr. Deer and Mr. Rabbit

Where we live is almost like a Beatrix Potter story place. And our stories could be Beatrix Potter stories – only in ours, the parents get in trouble too.

Our backyard continues on to be a wetland/sanctuary, so we have a lot of animals without humans to take care of running around in our backyard. We have Bert (short for Colbert), a groundhog who lives just at the very edge of our property. We see him a lot  but he usually is running so by the time my mommy gets her camera out, he is long gone.

Across the street from, there is also a small woodland that is part of a park. A lot of animals hang out there too. There is a groundhog family there that our Bert visit sometimes. We know because we sometimes see Bert coming from there.

Then there is deer EVERYWHERE. We have so much deer that the humans in our county would have deer culling every so often. They are probably afraid that the deer someday realize that they can probably defeat the humans in a revolution. They are probably right.

There is also Mr. Red Fox. You could see him sometimes crossing the street with a baby groundhog in his mouth. He is probably not babysitting.

Then there is Mr. Deer and Mr. Rabbit. Mr. Rabbit is a little brown rabbit who lives underneath the deck of out next door neighbor. He is friends with a particular young deer, and who we call Mr. Deer. We know they are friends because Mr. Deer would often visit and will venture close to the deck just to be with Mr. Rabbit. We saw them both one time sitting in the back lawn together, gossiping like old ladies. I wish I could be friends with them too.

Mr. Rabbit, in case you cannot see him from the above pic

They may not be friends for long though, if my Mommy has her way. She wants Mr. Rabbit. She does not even know what for. And she doesn’t even know what she will do with him if and when she does get him. She just knows that she wants him. Maybe because he is cute. Or maybe because he is the only one that she can realistically capture. But she is not even willing to go get him herself. One time when we were walking and we saw Mr. Rabbit happily hopping on his way home, and she told me to “Go get it!”. I just looked at her funny and wished Mr. Rabbit good luck on his way home. If there is anybody wild in our community, it is probably my Mommy. She is lucky she has me and my dad distracting her so she will not give in to her dark side.

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Life Lesson: You should also prepare for success. – Christopher Ungaro, Wise Man, Daddy, Best Friend



Homeless At Home

Sharing is No Fun – especially if you are made to share and you end up with nothing.

My four lolas (grandmothers) came to visit us this weekend. They have my mom’s afraid-of-dogs gene so they mostly try to stay away from me. They would pet me but they are tentative at best. But I was still excited because we had company. Until bedtime. My mom gave them all the real beds in the house (which are all MY beds). And I was not even allowed to enter the rooms, MY rooms. My mom, my dad and me all slept downstairs in the pull-out sofa bed (which is also the off-limits couch). I felt confused and put out. My dad tried to get me to get on the couch-bed, but I was like, “I’m not allowed in the couch!”. So I spent all night sleeping on the hard hardwood floors.

Come breakfast time, I had all their good leftovers. Now I love them.

Life Lesson: Be hospitable. You never know when you will be in need of kindness, generosity or shelter.


Sleeping Beauty

 ….Once there was a handsome prince……

…Who was under a spell from a beautiful princess…..who everyone thought was evil….Ok, not really evil, maybe just a little bit naughty sometimes.

….She made everyone do her bidding for her. They were known as her “minions”. It really tired them out.

People would see these minions all tired out and sleeping and they mistook this for them being lazy bums. AH!, but this was NOT the case. You see they were meerly under her spell and like zombies they would do what she wanted.  Often these things were very trying and taxing upon them. Some have said that the minions often feigned sleeping to dupe the princess into thinking they were worn out. She would easily believe this as being tired out was part of her natural state and thought it was normal for everyone else to sleep 23 hours a day as she did.

The handsome prince had as his faithful companion and wondeous beast. The beast was so incredibile that everyone who met him was in awe.  For he was talented, nice, smart, and had a Maserati.

Yet the two of them were often  trapped by the wicked spell of the naughty, little, sorceress, beautiful, princess.

 But one day they will be able to rise up and throw off the spell that enslaves them…………untill she brings more snacks,…………..then it is back to being happy minions.

Life Lesson: A happy fed minion is better than a hungry minion.


In Trouble Again

Before you start calling the Animal Cruelty peeps, it is not what you think. Yes I am being punished in the above picture, but No, my dad is not kicking my head.

My mom and I were having our usual backyard outing without the leash. I let her know that I want to go to the front yard. She’s easy so she went along with me. We had done this before and we just walked around the house and still end up in the backyard. This time my dad decided to join us, but he came out the front door. My mom thought that he got me so she left me to go to the neighbor’s house. She crossed the street, and I came running after her. With a fast-ish moving car coming straight for me. My dad was yelling bloody murder. It’s a good thing the car started slowing down. I was able to make it safely to my mom. She then spanked me in the butt for not listening to my dad. When she brought me back to  my dad, we both got yelled at – my mom for taking me out without a leash in the first place, and me for not following instructions.

My punishment – smelling my dad’s feet.

Life Lesson: There are inherent dangers to being free.

Lending a Hand

 One of my Favorite chew toys is my dads hand. i know, I know, the old saying, “You shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds you”. ………but he only feeds me some of the time. ……….So oooooo, I figured it is ok to bite it some of the other times.

 Plus it sometimes isn’t the hand. Sometimes I prefer the whole entire arm! …and there isn’t a saying, “don’t bite the arm that feeds you.” I already checked, (had to legal disclaimers and all).

Anyway he sometimes grabs my paws or my legs. He even bites me back sometimes too. Of course this is all play. I don’t bite too hard and he always feeds me in the end. So if I am getting fed even when I do bite the hand that feeds me then what does that really mean about the saying? Is it true? Is it false? Is it a hard and fast rule…or some sort of “guideline”? Is it an old wives tale?….also is an “old wives tale” a tale by old wives or an old tale by wives?….maybe an old tale by old wives?

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Life Lesson: there are all sorts of rules, sayings, tales etc. in life pick and choose which ones you are going to follow, BUT pick and choose wisely.

In-Your-Face Begging

It is hard not to be content with your own food when you know your humans are getting better stuff. Sometimes it is not really better – I get roast beef and they get hotdogs – but it is different from what I am having so it feels like it’s better.

I have gotten tall enough that I could swipe things from the kitchen table, even if they move it all the way back. I have, on occasion, tasted the food that my mommy leaves unattended on her plate. My mommy lets me lick her plate clean when she is done eating, by just moving her plate on my side of the table.

Lately this has not been good enough for me. Now I put my face right by my mommy’s face when she is eating. She then has to go to my dish, give me a share of her food, and go back to eating. This strategy does not work with my dad. Either I get yelled at, or he would make me do tricks then give me food.

I wish they would just give me a place at the table, give me my own plate so I could just eat with them there. Maybe someday.

Life Lesson: The things that make you happy today may leave you discontent tomorrow.